Introduction
If I wanted to tank my email deliverability, I wouldn’t need a complicated plan. I’d use a similar playbook a lot of other “marketers” already use, only executed with more commitment. Following closely, I’d ensure my communications had no chance of making it into my audience’s primary inbox. When pursued with the utmost vigor, I’d guarantee my emails ended up in the spam folder or worse, rejected by mail box providers altogether. 100%!
The Playbook I’d Use to Tank My Email Deliverability
I’d start off by completely ignoring the trio of email authentication protocols. SPF, DKIM and DMARC would go in the “to-do tomorrow” pile. Only tomorrow would never come. Who has the time to deal with DNS records? You literally have to be a tech wiz to know their meaning and a magician to set them up correctly. I have communications to plan, write and send!
I’d completely skip the process of doing double opt-ins. Why on Earth would I waste a sending credit just to confirm my subscriber’s intent? Why is it my responsibility? Every message I send has an unsubscribe link, doesn’t it? Besides, who wouldn’t want to receive all of my banger content? With fleeting attention spans, why would I want to burden my potential new subscribers with yet another communication just to confirm what I already know?
If I really wanted to tank my email deliverability quick, I’d make sure to use image-heavy designs with really poor text-to-image ratios. I’d include lots of links, preferably concealed by URL-shortners, with no discernable indication as to where it takes them. I like to think of the final destination to be a lot like receiving a wrapped Christmas gift…it’s a complete surprise! And who doesn’t like surprises?
To reach my goal of tanking my deliverability faster, I wouldn’t use alt-text on images either. Who has the time for that? Why do I need text to tell my audience what the image is about? It’s easy to just load the images with a click of the mouse from their email client, right?
Skipping alt-text isn’t absolute, but adding it would be more of the exception. If I need to get my CTR and open rates back on track, then sure, I’d add them in. But in such cases, I have to make it worth my time. I’d add in some embellishment or slightly misleading text to entice my audience to load the images or click. No big deal, it’s just a small white lie.
I’d make sure my communications have no cadence or natural rhythm. I march to the beat of a different drummer. I’m not worried about volume spikes. That sounds like an ESP and mailbox provider problem to me. My plan with my ESP affords a certain amount of sending credits per month. And by golly, I’m going to get all of them in. “Waste not, want not,” I always say.
I’d blast my communication and then take a break for several weeks before sending out another blast. Besides, absence makes the heart grow fonder, no? The timing would be completely based on when I had something to sell or credits to use before they expire.
I’d send the same message to every one of my subscribers. The message is about my business. And since my base subscribed to receive my marketing communications, it should be focused on what’s going on with my business. Segmentation and personalization is creepy and too big brother-ish with all the re-targeted ads. Plus, who has the time to create all that additional copy and versions?
I’d make sure my messages manufactured urgency. FOMO is my modus operandi. What little text I do include in my communications, I’d make sure to use questionable words like “Free” and “Last Chance!!!!” I’d use lots of exclamation points to drive the message home. I’d craft my communications with enough spam triggering content so that my messages wouldn’t stand a chance against the filters.
Go Directly to Junk. Do Not Pass Spam Filters, Do Not Collect Conversions.
If I wanted to put my deliverability into the toilet, I’d take a hard pass on list hygiene. Once a subscriber gets into my pipeline, they’re on my list forever! With all of the time, effort and expense put into “building” my list, why would I ever take them out and lower my potential reach? Why would I spend time and money on hygiene when the result is a reduction in my total audience size?
No thank you! I’d keep sending every available contact, regardless of what’s reported in feedback loops. If they bounce, they bounce. Shrug. Even if they have never engaged with my communications in the past doesn’t mean they won’t in the future. You miss 100% of the shots you never take. My mantra is that bounces, complaints, and dead addresses are the cost of reach.
And best of all, I can save money while deep-sixing my deliverability by going as cheap as possible. When selecting an ESP, I’d choose a sending plan full of amenities. I’d want “features” like shared IP address pools so that I’m punished along with my noisy neighbors and other bad actors. I’d look for plans with a low introductory offers that ramp-up rapidly as I add more contacts. ESPs that double count an email address appearing in multiple segments is especially desirable.
I’d make sure to get in on the lowest tier possible. That way, I can erode my branding, I don’t mind turning my messages into a walking billboard for my ESP if I’m given a deep enough discount. What better way to let my audience know how frugal of an operation I truly run by demonstrating the shoestring budget my marketing communications are running on?
Summary
If I really wanted to tank my email deliverability, I’d buy, rent and scrape email addresses to build my list fast. I’d automatically opt-in users to receive my newsletters and I wouldn’t concern myself with double opt-ins. I’d design my emails to be image heavy with sparse sections of text. I’d include lots of links, preferably with a URL-shortner to conceal where the link is taking them. I’d send large blasts out with irregular send patterns.
I wouldn’t waste time segmenting or personalizing my communications; everyone gets the same copy and creative. I’d make sure my emails glorified my business and informed of all of the wonderful products, services or events that I was putting on. I’d make sure to crank the urgency to 10 to create maximum pressure for my audience to act now. Selling is tough and most would just succumb to analysis paralysis without receiving a push in the right direction. To cut my expenses ruthlessly, I’d go with the cheapest ESP possible, leveraging their shared IPs. I’d proudly announce my thriftiness as indicated by the ESP’s branding showing up in the footer of all my communications.
If I didn’t want to tank my email deliverability, I’d check out Email Deiliverability: 10 Steps to Achieve the Best Results for guidance on what to do instead.